Tattle-Tale

   I was engaged in something very useful (certainly not cruising Facebook to research why everyone I know has a better, happier, prettier life) when I heard the distinct sound of chewing.

   Smack, smack.   Little lips at work.

   I turned abruptly from my extremely useful endeavor of, let's say, Diligent Housewifery - 

         - and I found my two year old daughter standing behind me.

 "Monkey Two," I said, "What are you eating?"

  With a perfectly straight face, she declared, "Nouffin'."

  "I can see it in your hand," I said. "And don't talk with your mouth full. And don't lie. And don't eat over the carpet. And -- what do you mean, 'nothing'? I can SEE that you're eating!"

   Frozen in place, she maintained a face of stoic denial. Any defense lawyer would have proud.

   Then Spiderman entered, stage right. "Mommy!" he declared, running up and pointing. "She has candy!"

   "Thank you, Captain Obvious. I can see that. I wonder who gave it to her, hmm?"

   Fie on you again, Harris Teeter field trip and your bags of free candy. You have brought nothing but woe.